Monday, October 24, 2011

Just for laughs . . .

I'm having great problems concentrating on my TMA, which is due in at noon on Thursday. I've managed one whole paragraph, and have put in questions to ask myself, that are supposed to release the information I've read at least 3 times but which, apparently, has got lost between my eyes and my brain!

I have got to the panicky stage, so went on FB to distract myself, and the first thing I read was the instructions below.

As hubby and I have just had a very similar experience, I found myself laughing until I cried, so thought I'd share the experience {grin}

How to give a cat a pill

1. Pick cat up, and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position left forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth, and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from the floor, and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. 

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. 

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour half-liter of water down throat to wash pill down. 

14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for vet to make a house call.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

2 1/2 weeks in . . .

and I really don't know what's hit me!

I have to admit that I'm struggling with this course already, as there are so many new concepts, and a huge amount of terminology, to learn, and remember!

It's coming to me painfully slowly at the moment, as the weather has got wet and cold, which always affects my health adversely, and so I'm having to cope with a body that wants to sleep all the time and, every time I awaken from yet another unplanned nap, it is to pain - and the certain fact that I've forgotten everything I was reading when I fell asleep, yet again! Grrrr

But I'm not giving up hope!

Provided the O.U., can make some allowances for my tardiness, I'm going to keep plowing on, in the hopes that I can at least absorb enough to write my first Tutor-Marked Assignment, due in by midday on the 27th October!

I've just had to look it up, even to know what the question is, as I've forgotten, even though I read through it yesterday :(

But, in the words of Gloria Gaynor: 'I will survive!' Lol 

Saturday, October 01, 2011

I start the new module today {gulp!}

. . . and I'm not sure whether I'm quite ready for it yet :/

I've just spent the last 2 days looking through the course website, downloading and printing out various bits and pieces I'll need, and getting desktop folders ready for all the activities I'll be doing as we go along in the course.

I think it's going to be quite full-on for this next month or so - until I get used to all the new terminology, at least - and also until I can work out the way I need to do the activities, although I believe it's a case of using the study guide first, and following instructions from that :/ 

I've discovered that there are activities to do both in the course/ module books, and in the study guide - 16 altogether just for the first week!

I just hope my health allows me to stay awake long enough to do them all!