Thursday, February 10, 2011
- but mainly downs . . .
It's been a very trying time for me this last few weeks.
Because of my problems with this virus - one that seems to want to make a permanent home with me - I've had more and more difficulty in doing the work on Block 4.
So much so, that I had to give in and email my tutor, to let her know how far behind I'm getting :(
I've now got migraines coming on every few days, no doubt triggered by the virus, as Hubby's been getting rotten headaches with the virus, too and, as I used to get migraines all the time at one point, I guess there's a weakness there that the virus triggered again :(
Anyway, I got a lovely email back from my tutor, who basically advised me to try Option 2 for this TMA, as the question is much clearer and, as she also gave me a week's extension, so that I could catch up some, I decided to have a go.
As I can only come online for half-an-hour-ish at a time, or risk triggering another migraine, it hasn't been easy to begin my new option, but I did manage to do some research into Children's Book Awards; who judges them, and the criteria for that judging, so I feel as if I've at last started towards getting the info I need for the TMA!
My tutor made a comment in her email, about how I'm so hard on myself where dealing with the work I need to is concerned, and it made me think - and I guess she's right about that.
I've always been my own hardest task-master, and have never been able to just leave something I've started - hence trying to continue with an option that was defeating me, with all the problems I'm having - but it's something deeply engrained into my psyche, and I guess I'm too old now to try and change it now, though I do try.
I read on one of the disability forums, that people who suffer with problems such as Fibromyalgia, ME, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome etc., are all types that have always been the organisers in the family - the one who everyone turns to for problem-solving, or who is the first to volunteer to add yet another task to their list.
I guess they are right, as I had always tried to manage running the house, work a full-time job, bring up my child, look after the finances, and be the chief cook-and-bottle-washer.
That's not to say that my Hubby didn't do any of these things, as he is a better housekeeper than I will ever be - it's just that I felt it was my job to take these responsibilities off his hands, especially as, before I became too ill to work, he was a Tree Surgeon/Feller, and his job was so dangerous and stressful, that I didn't want him coming home to any more responsibilities.
Because of that, I hid how ill I was becoming, until I collapsed - and, in the end, he had to leave his work anyway, to look after me full-time!
Oh, what tangled webs we weave . . . .